


Avengers of the Galaxy

by Project0506



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen, Humor, based on art
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 09:09:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6232843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/pseuds/Project0506
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a tumblr art post here:http://bluandorange.tumblr.com/post/101827855795/so-ive-got-this-headcanon-that-guardians-of-the</p><p>The team decided to play Guardians of the Galaxy.  Six hours after it was suggested, Banner fucked off to India.  Perhaps that should have been Bucky’s first clue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Avengers of the Galaxy

“I somehow get the feeling no one’s gonna take this seriously.”

 

There is a moment of silence while everyone pauses to contemplate Bucky’s words.

 

“Was it my tits?” Clint finally asks. “It was my tits, wasn’t it?”

* * *

 

On the surface, it’s a great idea: better communication than a movie night, fewer awkward conversation pauses than a team dinner, more creative decision-making than the average board game. It’s like therapy, but not, and there’s a distinct lack of ‘hmmm’s and ‘how does that make you feel’s that have been driving Bucky half up a New York brownstone wall.

 

Plus, you know, team bonding. Chances to work out interpersonal issues. That sort of stuff.

 

Six hours after it was suggested, Banner fucked off to India.

 

Perhaps that should have been Bucky’s first clue.

* * *

 

“Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma,” Steve rattles off. “11, 20, 14, 18, 17, 14, in that order.”

 

Bucky notes it down.

 

“Size small,” Steve continues. “Short. Tiny, even. Definitely smaller than me. Much smaller. Pint-sized, half-pint-sized if you want to split hairs. I’d say about three foot nothing, if that.” Steve grins. Bucky, abruptly, has a very, very bad feeling.

 

“Right…”

 

“Major weapon, guns. Many guns, mostly guns bigger’n him. It’s a thing, what’s the word? Fetish? Gun fetish. That’s it.” Steve’s smile becomes positively angelic and Bucky’s bad feeling gets progressively worse.

 

“Okay, Steve’s got a shorty gun-nut, moving on-”

 

Steve continues as if he hadn’t heard a thing. “He’s been cybernetically enhanced. Illegal experiments, that sort of thing. Messed with his head and grafted circuitry right to his spine.” The silence around the table is disbelieving. “I’m calling him Rocky.”

 

Bucky presses two fingers against his forehead. “You’re not calling him Rocky.”

 

“He’s a raccoon.”

 

Bucky flips the table.

* * *

 

Tony plays himself. In space.

 

“Blond!” he protests immediately. “Blond and no goatee, there’s a definite difference.”

 

Nobody touches the dead-mother-absent-father thing with a 10 foot pole.

* * *

 

Clint plays Natasha. In space.

 

“No shame,” Clint says, balancing his chair on two legs and spinning a D-20 on a finger. His character sheet has three attached pages lovingly detailing every single physical aspect of Gamora, from her light, flowing red hair to her dark I’ll fuck you up boots. “I’m the prettiest mofo at the table,” Clint insists, “and I’ll fight every one of ya to the death for that right.”

* * *

 

Drax is perfect in every way. No really, if Bucky had had to dream up an NPC heavy for this campaign, that NPC would have dreamed of growing up to be Drax. Tragic backstory, beautiful stats, a perfect appearance for the setting. Hell, Drax’s full life story is sketched out, up to and including the when and where he will slot neatly into the party.

 

Bucky is immediately suspicious.

 

Natasha’s innocent look is terrifying.

* * *

 

“He don’t talk so good like you’n me,” Steve drawls in character, finally compromising on the name Rocket. “His vocabulistics is restricted to ‘I’ and ‘Am’ and ‘Groot’. Exclusively in that order.”

 

“I am Groot,” drawls Sam, and his and Steve’s epic bro-fist doesn’t cover the sound of Bucky putting his head through the drywall for the third time that night.

 


End file.
